Those Tigers

As I consider Pi and his tiger, I remember that last year I ironically had a realistic and life-changing dream about a tiger of my own.  He was there during one of the most challenging times of my life. Somehow the tiger ended up in my home, and out of fear I  kept him locked securely in a bedroom until one day he escaped.  He was the most beautiful, powerful and dangerous creature that I have ever faced and as much as I tried, I could not get rid of him.  The dream stayed with me so vividly that I sought the help of my counselor to assist me in getting this terrible creature out of the mind and heart of my home. She wisely suggested that perhaps I was not meant to get rid of the tiger.  She wondered if I could let him out of that caged bedroom for a while and wait to see what happened.

Letting that tiger out of captivity has been the beginning of an incredible journey for me and the tiger.  He probably has some multifaceted meanings in my life, but through him I have realized that for most of my life my conscious mind has tried hard to keep my life together through pure strength of will.  I was not always able to  control some painful feelings and emotions deeply buried in my unconscious.  Adoption brought some challenges that made it increasingly difficult for my strength of will to single-handedly control my feelings and actions.  Throughout my life in stressful times my cognitive intention to improve has not been enough to bring about sustainable change.  I am the kind of person that has tried star charts for my own behaviour in my heart for years and have never been successful in actually pulling off the good actions that I so desire!  In quietness and meditation and with the help of others, I have had to gradually acknowledge and feel those long buried emotions in my unconscious.  With the tiger, I have let them come out of captivity and have acknowledged and recognized them as important forces in my life.

I have been amazed at how life changing it has been to let the powerful hidden tiger feelings of my heart and soul coexist with all of my mind, soul and body in increasing conscious awareness.   That tiger has saved me and has taught me deeply about my children too.  So often we react to behaviour in our children that is just as powerful, mysterious and scary to them as it is to us.  There may not be easy solutions to these stray tigers, but understanding them for the wild and often uncontrollable beasts that they are does give us parents helpful perspectives and understanding as we navigate these chaotic waters.  They  are not easily tamed by yelling and star charts or by both parents and children trying harder.  We need to fully acknowledge their being and face them head on in the light of day.  There are no promises that these tigers will bring healing but it is important to acknowledge their powerful and possibly dangerous presence.  Some people do spend their lives on makeshift rafts pulled behind their life boats dominated by scary and destructive tigers.  At least for some there will be opportunities for healing and hope with skilled and wise intervention and approaches that are fitting for the fearsome beings that those tigers are.  For all of us, do not underestimate those tigers!  At the same time, let's not be captive to our own tigers as they rule the main lifeboat and we are dragged behind on the unstable rafts.  Come on into the main boat and with conscious wisdom and the help of tiger trainers, live together in the dangerous power of  love and hope and joy.