Most of our children who have been adopted later in life have had experiences of feeling very vulnerable and out of control. Over and over there have been circumstances in their lives where they have been blindsided and taken completely by surprise. These surprises are usually not happy and pleasurable delights like those surprises that other children come to expect under Christmas trees and on birthdays. Even the prospect of being adopted can be yet one more experience of turmoil and loss of control lasting for decades.
Unconsciously, our children from these difficult places often attempt to replay those periods of vulnerability and being blindsided. They often manufacture circumstances where the end result is yet more loss of control. Without actually meaning it, they also bring turmoil to their families. When life gets too pleasant and predictable it is almost like they feel they do not deserve such happiness and they find some way to bring back the familiar chaos. This often plunges whole families into chaos. It takes significant energy and skill for beleaguered parents to keep the capsizing family boat level and functioning while other members of the family are sneakily drilling holes in the hull.
In times of chaos I turn to some of the seasoned passages in the Bible and the saints of old who themselves lived in tumultuous times. Julian of Norwich is a woman of much encouragement for me. She lived in the calamitous 14th century at a time when the Black Death plague swept through Europe, killing over a third of the people. Life was not secure or predictable. Julian was an anchorite, living in a cell where she prayed and gave counsel to others. Her focus was always on God's love and gentle care at a time when usually God was portrayed as terrifying and angry. Her common refrain was,
All shall be well,
and all shall be
well, and all manner
of thing shall be well.
Who knows what it really means that all shall be well? It may not ever be the external circumstances this side of heaven, but I often find myself dwelling on this refrain in the chaos that is sometimes life for me. Truly, no matter what the circumstances, in God who so tenderly loves us, all shall be well. We can rest in that truth through any valley or danger that comes our way. I only hope that my children will somehow be able to rest in God's security one day. Regardless, God who knows all will care for them through it all. Even though it may not seem to be well from our earthly perspective, all shall be well. Stay rooted in God, my fellow adventurers on this journey. Stay rooted. All shall be well.
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