This week I get to see my psychologist. It is a very expensive hour of relationship. I check in with her every month or so now, but for several months I made the trek to see her weekly. For a long time I resisted the need and sense of unwellness that propelled me to drive an hour to see her each week. Nevertheless, I could not manage without her. My feelings are changing now. I only wish I had acknowledged my need and her worth years ago.
For most of my life I thought that it would be a frivolous extra to expose my needs and see a therapist for myself. I thought that I should wait for completely overwhelming issues to emerge before investing in a therapeutic relationship. I felt I should be able to be a healthy person by myself with God's help and love. Gradually I have come to see that God wired us to be in relationship. He made us deep and complicated people who need others to help us grow and be fully human. Although it may seem that a therapeutic relationship is artificial, in every culture God has given some people the gift and training in emotional wisdom. We are all God's hands in the lives of others. Life is a dance of giving and receiving. I have needed to learn to receive care and deep understanding from my therapist and in turn from myself and others. I could not make the link between what I knew in my mind and in my heart by myself. I could not regulate myself well by myself. Ironically, the therapist has also helped me to more deeply receive from God. She is God's gift to me. His wisdom through a person.
The adoption journey has brought me an abundance of gifts. One of the greatest of these for me has been that adoption pushed me to the edge of myself so that I saw my own weakness and my deep need for help. I am both strong and weak. My weaknesses now stand beside my strengths as blessing. Weakness lead me to a unique relationship with a therapist. This relationship is not artificial, but special in its design. It has very clear boundaries of time and shape. It costs a lot of money. My family and I have had to do without other things in order for me to afford it. I am struck that all our important relationships are exceedingly valuable. The currency of their value may not be in money. Their cost is often significantly more than what my therapist charges. My perspective has changed. Certainly we all have our places where we are unwell, but we all have great strengths of wellness in our souls. For me seeing the psychologist helps to nuture the depths of my wellness. I need to be deeply known and understood by someone whose roots and branches are not tangled up with mine. I need her fresh and unencumbered perspectives. Seeing her is another way of running the hose and filling up the bird bath of my heart.
Dig deep into the depths of your wellness. Actively do those things that nourish and fill it up. The primary person we can have hope to change and build up is ourselves. If you are stuck in your soul, reach out for help. Friends, pastors, or therapists may be able to help. Be careful and discerning about who you chose to be an advocate for your soul. They need to be people of wisdom and insight who you like and respect, so interview them first. It may take a few tries to find someone that meets your needs. It may cost money. Remember, whether or not money is involved, there is always great value. If you do not seek help when your heart is crying out and you feel stuck, there is a far greater cost to your soul and family than anything money can buy.
No comments:
Post a Comment