One of the best things about our adoption journey is that it catapulted us over the edge of ourselves so that we needed to get the help of a psychologist. Actually, in the end we have two psychologists on our family team to serve all our children effectively in a way that meets their unique needs. Over the years we have come to deeply respect these two professionals. As time has gone by, both my husband and I have had many of our own sessions and even time specifically geared toward our marriage. These sessions have been both time consuming and costly, but have been one of the best investments in our lives.
For years I felt significant anxiety and deep unrest but always thought that was what it meant to be a "wounded healer." I functioned well for the most part and I thought that many of my jumbled feelings were part of the human condition. I never thought that I would be able to know deep peace and harmony of my mind, heart, body and soul. One of the things about being a human being is that it really is hard to know what could be different in our hearts if we have never known peace. After knowing one psychologist for several years through our children, one day I took a scary leap to allow myself to share some of my own personal angst with her. She looked at me confidently and told me that I really did not have to live with such unrest and that she could help me! I will never forget that moment. I did not know then that I was embarking on one of the most life-changing journeys of my life.
Now, just over a year later, I am a changed person inside. I do know peace and harmony especially between my mind and heart that I never thought would be possible. I could not have come to this place by myself. I have read widely and tried many ways to bring unity of spirit on my own. I thought that I should be able to rest in God and have Him bring healing directly. I often have been reminded of the story about the man who arrived in heaven and asked God why He had not saved him from his capsized ship. God replied that He had tried. He had sent a helicopter, a life raft and even another boat, but each time the man had held out for God to save him directly. It has been the same for me. We are relational beings and God uses others in our lives to help bring healing. For me it has taken commitment, cost and quite a bit of challenging vulnerability to allow another to help me. I must say, I have brought my concerns to other therapists in the past. Not everyone is skilled in the same areas. Sometimes it takes time and perseverance to find a therapist who is a good fit. For me it has been an amazing and life-giving miracle to have met this psychologist and to know significant healing.
I still understand myself to be a wounded healer. There will always be places of wound and pain in us all. That does not mean that we are to ignore our own wounds. Just like a wound of the flesh, we must often get medical help to assist in the healing. Some wounds do heal over time by themselves. Others need attention and help along the way. Sometimes it is hard to know whether our internal wounds could benefit from intervention from a person skilled in the ways of the heart and mind. If in doubt, take the risk to have someone you respect help you determine if there might be relief that they can help facilitate in your heart. It might take a few tries with different therapists to find someone that you are able to trust and respect and who has the skills to help you. Take good care of all the parts of your precious self. The journey of this last year for me is one that has made all the difference for me and for my family and yet I know this process would have been easy to sidestep or ignore. I hope I will continue to always move forward in life with vulnerability and hope, allowing others to help me as they are able!
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