A big part of my letting going does not involve my children. Increasingly I want to let go of the tight rein of perfectionism in my own life. Not only am I often powerless over my children and the circumstances of my life, but that powerlessness starts with me! Mother's Day brings up for me the many areas that I have not lived up to my own expectations of the kind of mother I would like to be, gentle and encouraging, with just the right balance of love and effective discipling. Instead often my home is somewhat of a jumbled mess with tempers flaring and voices raised. Chaos overtakes us all. The gentle love that I so desire to permeate our home seems unreachable.
I am learning to accept and embrace the imperfections, gently loving my own self in the mess and standing firm in God's love and deep forgiveness for me. I think that is the beginning to being able to fully gently embrace my family and friends around me. Being a mother is a daunting task. The stakes are high. The expectations sometimes unreachable. I pray I will grow and improve and that my desire at the heart of the matter will be communicated and expressed to my children almost in spite of me. I will seek help and care from others and rest in doing the best I can, forgiving myself as I forgive my children and as we have all been forgiven.
Again, I am learning so much from my friends caught in the jaws of addictions. Release. Accept. Turn to God. Wait and receive His strength and love to embrace a new day. One faltering step at a time. Allow God to fill me that I might be His vessel where the life giving water leaks from those very cracks that give me struggle.
Welcome the chaos. Those glaciers bearing down on the land brought their own beauty and interesting land formations. Accept those hard places in us all as places of growth and change that bring their own gentle love. Ask for the gift of God's love to shine through all the places of incomplete chaos and brokenness in us all. Be thankful for the good enough and grow in strength to go beyond the broken. For those places that I have failed, forgive me God. I am truly sorry. I love you. I love my children and those in my world. May I know and communicate your love and grace from deep within my heart in the new start of now.
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