Letting Go

Our older children, home for a time this month, are now beginning to head off again on their summer adventures.  Again we go through a time of reshuffling and adjustment.  I am always amazed at how each person contributes to the entire family dynamic.  Though sometimes we all struggle with finding our unique place in the family and especially in larger families can feel like we get "lost in the shuffle," the reality is that each person brings their unique self to the family, significantly creating the larger whole.  We often feel it especially when someone leaves or when someone has dramatic behaviours, both positive and negative, but I am so thankful for the daily ordinary dynamic of each person in our home.  This evening I let go of one of our sons, missing him but excited too for this next step in his life.

A big part of my own journey these days is in the letting go!  That letting go happens on many levels for me.   There is the letting go of older children.  Not only are they physically out of the home more these days, but my active parenting days for them now have a very different shape, even when I wonder if they are ready for the change!   I trust that they will continue to be cared for and lead on even when I am not a primary person in their daily lives.  On an even more challenging level, I  am growing in releasing myself from some of the behaviours of my younger children too.  We get help, do our best as parents, and then on many levels have to let go of the results.  Many of our children have many many influences that contribute to their lives and behaviours.  We continue to support and love, but often I need to consciously open my hands and release them.  I am not helping either them or me if I cannot let go of them and some of the expectations that I have for them in the right ways.

I have found the Twelve Step Program so helpful in the practical steps of letting go.  Over and over each day I affirm that really so much in my life and in the lives of all my children is way beyond my ability to control or heal.  In many areas I really am powerless.  I do believe that ultimately God loves each of us more than I can even begin to understand.   He wants to lovingly restore us all to fullness of life and health!   I pray for His love, care, guiding and healing touch in the lives of us all.  I especially need help to know how to walk this fine line between being involved and letting go.  Even the letting go is hard to do by myself.  Each step of the way I pray for the ability to release myself into God's care, praying for His help and wisdom.  Love.  Pray.  Let go!

Tonight, know that I love you, my son.  Praying for you, I send you on your way to a great summer adventure ahead!