Leaning In

We all have choices to make about the way we live our lives.  What may seem to reflect success in life decisions for one person may not be success for another.  I have very decisively made decisions that I feel have brought success even when it really doesn't look like any kind of success on the outside.  One of those decisions that I made early on was to aim for an occupation that would allow a lot of time and energy to also be a mother.  I chose to shoot high for the goal of being an involved and relaxed mother who would be the kind of person that my children could lean in to.  I wanted to be available and have lots of time and energy for my primary role as the mother of my children.

As I have enjoyed my occupation over the years some people have asked why I have not progressed or moved to more prestigious positions.  I actually quit one job where I was being pressured to take on more responsibility as a department manager.  At one point in my career I did get my Master's Degree but have not specifically formally used that degree as the work that it brought involved a lot of evenings and weekends that did not facilitate my primary job as a Mother.  I have not aimed low in my career choices as a default because I am a woman.  I have aimed high to have an impact in the lives of my children as their mother.  For me, that is success.  Others have often made me carefully examine my choices.  I have had periods of deep angst and question about the decisions I have made.

Today I took a holiday day from my work in order to watch my two girls give their speeches at school. Tomorrow I am driving another son to catch a ferry and head off to his summer job.
Many days I wonder if I have any impact in any area of my life, work or at home.  Most days we just don't know and maybe that is just as well.

What I do know is that I am glad that my own mother was available for me to lean in to.  I never questioned that I was more important than any job or other role for her.  I hope my children too will rest in the security of leaning in.  May I be there for them.  I certainly will not be perfect especially as that mother, but just the trying will be success enough for me.

Go for success as both men and women in this life we are given!  Just be sure not to limit success defined as only for those top corporate leaders, physicians, lawyers or work leaders.  If you decide to have children, please rank them as central in your life mission.  Give them time and space to lean in too.