Road Changes

For months now we have had major construction on our local highway.  It is going to mean significant improvement in traffic patterns and ability to get across the river, but it has felt like a challenging puzzle to navigate what used to be a very straightforward route.  Last week I somehow completely missed my turn off that I have done literally hundreds of times and I went whizzing across our new bridge, taking me miles away from where I was supposed to be.  Even trying to turn around was a major undertaking with traffic back ups everywhere.  In the end I added almost an hour to my trip.

Sometimes I feel like parenting can be a similar challenge.  What works for some kids, does not work for everyone. When a new child joins our families, it is like road construction for quite some time as we all build new bridges with them.  There is a lot of change and new roads to learn.  Sometimes one wrong turn off can take us down a whole new, complicated road that may not be in the right direction.  I make mistakes.  I loose my temper.  I do feel it is important to continue to communicate to our kids about our own wrong turns in life.  For one of my kids in particular, my own honesty about some of my challenges with my own personality has really bonded us.  She takes comfort in the fact that she is not the only one that makes mistakes and has a temper.  I wish I did not make so many wrong turns, and I am trying to improve as a parent, but when I do make mistakes it is important to model for our kids that we too are not perfect and that sometimes we also need to try to find the overpass to turn around and head back to the healthy road.

My highway with its ever changing cones and flashing directions is also what it feels like for our kids as they join our new family.  The guidelines and route for every family is different.  Sometimes even within a family it feels like directions change.  It can be very confusing and frustrating for our kids too.

There is hope.  Things will settle down on the highway and I will learn how it works.  The important thing is to keep driving, acknowledge that we all make mistakes, find the exit to turn around if needed, and keep communicating.