The Still Small Voice

Sometimes I know that I make it sound like somehow I actually hear God speaking.  The whole concept of listening to God and hearing him speak is difficult.  I am afraid that  those of us who speak with such certainty as if we have a direct line to God end up making others feel alienated from God.  My last post talks about how we felt lead in the whole adoption area.  The bottom line is that I am not sure that it is possible to know with certainty what God is saying to us.  There is always a huge amount of faith involved.  There have been times when I have followed that still small voice and then really wondered whether it was my own misguided ego speaking or God leading me through my more healthy heart self.

It is the same with my Christian faith.  I really do not understand it all with certainty.  I have many questions.  I consciously put many concerns on the shelf of my heart.  I then get up and act on the basis of the love that I see is the undercurrent of Christ's life and encouragement to us.  Even though there are parts of the Bible that I find really difficult to understand, I cannot turn my back on the historical Jesus.  He lived and he died and he did rise again.  He was a great person in history.  He was also more than that.  He was either crazy or truly the Son of God that he said he was.  Despite all my questions and frustrations with the religiosity and hypocrisy of myself and others, I chose to not "throw the baby out with the bath water."  I actively chose to follow Christ.  I am not certain, but I am making that leap of faith.

A friend posted a very funny video clip of the "Christianese" talk of many Christians.  I fall into that way of talking too.  Sometimes our cliches make our words meaningless and fuzzy. Still,  I continue to seek to listen to the still small voice of leading within.  In important decisions, I check with others whom I respect and value as wise people of love and kind action.  Because of my respect for all of who I believe the person of Christ to be, I also check my heart leanings with the words of the Bible.  Love needs to be at the heart of all my actions.  I believe that God has created me to be the person that I am.  My actions also have to line up honestly with the gifts that he has given me.  In the whole adoption area, for example, I simply love parenting kids.  I am wired that way.  I am doing what I really like doing.  The faith comes in when the going gets tough.  Still, I know that my heart leanings and desires lead us to decide to adopt.  It also was in line with the general emphasis of the Bible to love God and our neighbours.  Not everyone I know thought we were making a wise decision, but certainly there were some who did and who we respected enough to help us move forward.  Finally, I look to the doors that open in front of us.  It was surprising that the adoption door opened to us.  Other doors have closed.  It was not easy to walk through that adoption door.  There will be other similar doors ahead that also may be challenging to walk through.

With all my uncertainties, I am continuing to practice the going within my heart to listen.  I will continue to get others to help me separate or harmonize my own mumblings with those of God.  I want to listen and get in the habit of acting and responding when those little nudges seem to be authentic.  I will continue to wrestle with understanding the words of the Bible in the context of the time that they were written, still knowing that they are special words spoken through human people by God.  I will continue to worship and seek in the larger community with other Christians.  I hope I will be sincere and will communicate my own struggles along with the times of clarity in words that are straightforward and real.  In spite of how things work out, I do feel God's love and care for me and for others deep in my heart.  Thanks to you all for walking with me on this journey!