Adventuring forward is the theme of this season. Sunday is a time of new beginnings. It is the first day of advent, the season when we consciously open our hearts to watch and wait for the surprise coming. Who would ever have thought that God would chose to come as a helpless and dependent baby? Vulnerable and poor, Jesus came to flesh out the character of God. This is a time of preparing and keeping our eyes, ears and hearts open for God's loving and surprise touch in our vulnerable and open hearts. This is the time that angels came to ordinary people in history to reveal to them the new beginnings ahead. The common theme was, "Do not be afraid!"
Sunday is also a special day of new beginnings for one of our daughters. She has chosen to be baptized on Sunday. For many months she has been asking to be baptized, but as we wanted her to feel fully the love of our family and the family of God for her just as she is, we encouraged her to wait. We wanted her to be full and complete and loved without any action on her part. At the beginning of this season of waiting for the Son of God to be revealed, the waiting for our daughter is over. She wants to stand and publicly declare her love for God as she enacts the sacrament of being buried under the water and rising again to new life in Christ. She is adopted not only into our earthly family, but into the eternal family of God.
In this time of rising anxiety and pressure, consciously let go of the tyranny of perfection and fear which Christ actually came to dispel! Do not be afraid! Keep wide open spaces in your heart and life for God and for the empty silence into which He came. Let us acknowledge our own vulnerability and come to full rest in the loving and accepting embrace of God in the adventuring. He embraces us fully as we are.
Friday, 30 November 2012
Thursday, 29 November 2012
The Piano
The psychologist who has helped us all with such skill and loving compassion has an office right in the heart of Strathcona in Vancouver. Strathcona is an area of dense population and is home to a very wide range of people. I love the area and I once worked in a community mental health office just up the street. I left a part of me there with the interesting and varied people I knew those many years ago. It seems so fitting that my psychology office is back in this place of community and home for me. It is in a very old heritage building and like the people walking by, it is full of character and heart. There is no waiting room, so the patients wait in an atmospheric funky coffee shop next door. At the appointed time I go and stand at her door. It has become a part of the whole process to make the long pilgrimage to Vancouver and then to wait patiently at her door on the busy street. I watch all the people walk by and wonder about their lives. There is a huge mural of a crow pecking away at an apple across the way. Mr. Crow somehow seems appropriate and encourages me along as I peck at the apples in my life! There is quite a turnover in the other offices nearby, but lately there is a new gluten free bakery next door. I love the smells of fresh bread mingling with the bus exhaust and sea air. The psychologist greets me at the door and I always look to acknowledge the surprising and delightful juxtaposition of a brightly painted and decrepit upright piano tucked up against the bare stairway. The piano is full of meaningful character and appears like a three dimensional collage. I am always hopeful that one day it will be pulled out into the stark utilitarian entrance hall that is littered with junk mail. Though aged and obviously not in playing condition, I like the piano. Evidently the landlord does too as it has been in its rather sad corner for all the six years that we have been coming and going. I appreciate its beauty and the reminder of music that could possibly echo up the stairs and flow out to the confusion and chaos of the street outside. I am waiting hopefully for someone to help bring it to joyful life again. Early in my own healing process one of my dear friends gave us her piano. The rich and full sound of that piano in our living room has been such a deep encouragement to me. It has replaced a keyboard and it is not only a reminder of the joy in receiving such an amazing gift, but of the hope of fullness of rich life that is here for us all to enjoy.
With those heart thoughts and visual reminders in my soul, I start up the steep stairs to the small yellow monk's cell room that has been so meaningful to me in the decluttering and reorganization of my heart, soul and body. The window is open and I hear the gulls cawing over the noises of the street. I smile to think of that wonderful piano downstairs, encouraging me on in the process of healing and restoration to both give and receive life's music.
With those heart thoughts and visual reminders in my soul, I start up the steep stairs to the small yellow monk's cell room that has been so meaningful to me in the decluttering and reorganization of my heart, soul and body. The window is open and I hear the gulls cawing over the noises of the street. I smile to think of that wonderful piano downstairs, encouraging me on in the process of healing and restoration to both give and receive life's music.
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
The Still Small Voice
Sometimes I know that I make it sound like somehow I actually hear God speaking. The whole concept of listening to God and hearing him speak is difficult. I am afraid that those of us who speak with such certainty as if we have a direct line to God end up making others feel alienated from God. My last post talks about how we felt lead in the whole adoption area. The bottom line is that I am not sure that it is possible to know with certainty what God is saying to us. There is always a huge amount of faith involved. There have been times when I have followed that still small voice and then really wondered whether it was my own misguided ego speaking or God leading me through my more healthy heart self.
It is the same with my Christian faith. I really do not understand it all with certainty. I have many questions. I consciously put many concerns on the shelf of my heart. I then get up and act on the basis of the love that I see is the undercurrent of Christ's life and encouragement to us. Even though there are parts of the Bible that I find really difficult to understand, I cannot turn my back on the historical Jesus. He lived and he died and he did rise again. He was a great person in history. He was also more than that. He was either crazy or truly the Son of God that he said he was. Despite all my questions and frustrations with the religiosity and hypocrisy of myself and others, I chose to not "throw the baby out with the bath water." I actively chose to follow Christ. I am not certain, but I am making that leap of faith.
A friend posted a very funny video clip of the "Christianese" talk of many Christians. I fall into that way of talking too. Sometimes our cliches make our words meaningless and fuzzy. Still, I continue to seek to listen to the still small voice of leading within. In important decisions, I check with others whom I respect and value as wise people of love and kind action. Because of my respect for all of who I believe the person of Christ to be, I also check my heart leanings with the words of the Bible. Love needs to be at the heart of all my actions. I believe that God has created me to be the person that I am. My actions also have to line up honestly with the gifts that he has given me. In the whole adoption area, for example, I simply love parenting kids. I am wired that way. I am doing what I really like doing. The faith comes in when the going gets tough. Still, I know that my heart leanings and desires lead us to decide to adopt. It also was in line with the general emphasis of the Bible to love God and our neighbours. Not everyone I know thought we were making a wise decision, but certainly there were some who did and who we respected enough to help us move forward. Finally, I look to the doors that open in front of us. It was surprising that the adoption door opened to us. Other doors have closed. It was not easy to walk through that adoption door. There will be other similar doors ahead that also may be challenging to walk through.
With all my uncertainties, I am continuing to practice the going within my heart to listen. I will continue to get others to help me separate or harmonize my own mumblings with those of God. I want to listen and get in the habit of acting and responding when those little nudges seem to be authentic. I will continue to wrestle with understanding the words of the Bible in the context of the time that they were written, still knowing that they are special words spoken through human people by God. I will continue to worship and seek in the larger community with other Christians. I hope I will be sincere and will communicate my own struggles along with the times of clarity in words that are straightforward and real. In spite of how things work out, I do feel God's love and care for me and for others deep in my heart. Thanks to you all for walking with me on this journey!
It is the same with my Christian faith. I really do not understand it all with certainty. I have many questions. I consciously put many concerns on the shelf of my heart. I then get up and act on the basis of the love that I see is the undercurrent of Christ's life and encouragement to us. Even though there are parts of the Bible that I find really difficult to understand, I cannot turn my back on the historical Jesus. He lived and he died and he did rise again. He was a great person in history. He was also more than that. He was either crazy or truly the Son of God that he said he was. Despite all my questions and frustrations with the religiosity and hypocrisy of myself and others, I chose to not "throw the baby out with the bath water." I actively chose to follow Christ. I am not certain, but I am making that leap of faith.
A friend posted a very funny video clip of the "Christianese" talk of many Christians. I fall into that way of talking too. Sometimes our cliches make our words meaningless and fuzzy. Still, I continue to seek to listen to the still small voice of leading within. In important decisions, I check with others whom I respect and value as wise people of love and kind action. Because of my respect for all of who I believe the person of Christ to be, I also check my heart leanings with the words of the Bible. Love needs to be at the heart of all my actions. I believe that God has created me to be the person that I am. My actions also have to line up honestly with the gifts that he has given me. In the whole adoption area, for example, I simply love parenting kids. I am wired that way. I am doing what I really like doing. The faith comes in when the going gets tough. Still, I know that my heart leanings and desires lead us to decide to adopt. It also was in line with the general emphasis of the Bible to love God and our neighbours. Not everyone I know thought we were making a wise decision, but certainly there were some who did and who we respected enough to help us move forward. Finally, I look to the doors that open in front of us. It was surprising that the adoption door opened to us. Other doors have closed. It was not easy to walk through that adoption door. There will be other similar doors ahead that also may be challenging to walk through.
With all my uncertainties, I am continuing to practice the going within my heart to listen. I will continue to get others to help me separate or harmonize my own mumblings with those of God. I want to listen and get in the habit of acting and responding when those little nudges seem to be authentic. I will continue to wrestle with understanding the words of the Bible in the context of the time that they were written, still knowing that they are special words spoken through human people by God. I will continue to worship and seek in the larger community with other Christians. I hope I will be sincere and will communicate my own struggles along with the times of clarity in words that are straightforward and real. In spite of how things work out, I do feel God's love and care for me and for others deep in my heart. Thanks to you all for walking with me on this journey!
November is Adoption Awareness Month!
Called to adopt, later in life
Alan and Anne’s story
“With each of our adoptions, we experienced a different prompting from God . . .”
Alan and Anne started out in life like many other couples. They got married, began a new life together and gave birth to four beautiful children. Life was filled with the expected busyness of a thriving family of six, but something kept tugging at their hearts – adoption.
Anne, in particular, had always been interested in adoption, and before she and Alan were married, they had agreed that it was something they both had a heart for. But for many years, the doors for adoption just didn’t seem to be opening. Before they knew it, Alan was 64, Anne was 50 and their children were growing up. But it was exactly at this point that God began to clearly lead them to adoption.
“I was doing a Bible study, reading John Ortberg’s book If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat,” says Anne. “We’d sort of been expecting God to ‘bring a child to our front door,’ but that theme – get out of the boat, walk on water – spoke to us. We knew we had the energy and love to take on another child. So we just took that first step of faith and made that phone call to
1-877-ADOPT-07.”
1-877-ADOPT-07.”
After contacting BC’s Ministry of Children and Family Development, Alan and Anne began the process of exploring whether adoption was a good fit for their family – and whether they were a good fit for a waiting child.
They also received some free training through several group sessions. In these groups, they were taught about the kinds of children waiting to be adopted, as well as many of the potential challenges adoptive families face. Anne says, “Some information is intimidating, even scary, but then you’re discerning what you could and couldn’t do – ‘I know I’m not wired for . . .’ ” Through these sessions, they learned that there are many effective resources out there to help adoptive families – including post-adoption assistance, counselling, tutoring and many other sources of support.
About a year after making that initial phone call to start the adoption process, Alan and Anne brought home their first adopted child, a girl of nine years old. But this wasn’t the end of their adoption story. In a matter of five years, they would adopt a total of four children, two of whom were siblings.
“With each of our adoptions, we experienced a different prompting from God,” shares Anne. With their first child, it was the theme of listening carefully and taking that first step of faith to “get out of the boat.”
With their second and third adoptions (siblings), Alan and Anne clearly felt God impressing upon their hearts Jesus’ words in John 21:17, “Do you love Me? . . . Feed My sheep.” Fittingly, when the siblings were first introduced to them, one of the little girls handed Anne a gift she had made herself – a little sheep. Though it was a small, unknowing gesture, it was further confirmation that God was again opening the doors of adoption to their family.
Shortly thereafter, they completed a fourth adoption – another girl, nine years of age – after sensing God speaking to them through John 21:6, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” Anne explains, “It was as if God was saying, If you’re wondering, just cast your net out.”
For Alan and Anne, the process of adopting wasn’t necessarily easy, but they have been impressed by the skill and expertise of their social workers through the Ministry of Children and Family Development. Through the ministry, they were able to learn about the needs of children in their own community. In fact, each of their adopted children had been living within a 10-mile radius of their own home. “We have been astounded at the crying needs right here,” says Anne. “A lot of people don’t realize how many children are right here on our doorstep. Many of these kids are praying for families each night; they’re incredibly alone in the world, and they’re right here. We always think first of orphan children overseas, but many deeply wounded children are right here in our communities. They are our neighbours.”
Alan and Anne are upfront about the real-life challenges of parenting adoptive kids. “Many of these kids have had traumatic lives, so it’s a mission with a cost. It takes time and huge commitment ,” says Anne. Alluding to James 1:27, she makes the point: “Adoption is not always an easy road, but the Bible doesn’t say you have to heal widows and orphans – just care for them.”
Ultimately, Alan and Anne feel that their family has been deeply blessed through adoption. “These children have brought incredible joy and life into our lives, and we have become a stronger and richer family with them being part of our family. All of us have learned a lot about unconditional love, bonding and belonging to others, as well as the true meaning of family and what it means to be adopted into God's family.”
To families beginning to consider adoption, Alan and Anne suggest taking baby steps. “If there are families out there who feel this might be their call, or maybe this is their call, or you have room for a child – call. You have nothing to lose, there’s no commitment in just calling,” says Anne. They suggest that families initially not try to figure out whether they can adopt – just take those initial small steps, then wait on God's leading.
Alan and Anne also stress the importance of adoptive parents gaining as much information and training as possible, to equip themselves and to learn about the many supports available throughout their journey. They suggest taking courses, checking out adoption support websites, reading up on related issues and forming relationships with other adoptive families.
It’s no surprise that Alan and Anne are passionate advocates of adoption, especially when it comes to the Church. “If every church had one family who would adopt a child,” says Anne, “then the numbers of waiting children in our country would go dramatically down. . . . It is a good process here, and these are the children right on our doorstep. In fact, there are many children who are really wanting families, and they really do pray night after night for a family. These are the forgotten children in our culture.”
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Engagement
A year ago on Christmas eve, a very special bulb that had long been underground sent out shoots and started blooming right in my path. I reconnected with an old friend who I had not seen for several years. I recognized right then and there at the door of the church that she was my special Christmas present from God. There she was at my new church on Christmas eve with me. A friend in the midst of my desolate heart and many strangers. That meeting lead to a year long journey together. We met most weeks for a late night hour over tea in her quiet living room. In some mysterious way we were brought together to be a unique support for one another. I needed a close-by new friend to help open up my heart in love and friendship to both myself and another. She was on a similar journey of life pilgrimage. For a time on this journey we have walked together. We have encouraged one another and spoken the unsaid words already in our own hearts to each other. She had taken a huge risk and had quit her job, gone on a three month walking pilgrimage in Spain, and joined an online dating service. Taking time off work and meeting people on-line was way out of her comfort level. I had taken a huge risk and was going to counselling and learning to care for myself. We were both treading on very new and uncertain ground. We both often wanted to give up and retreat to places of known safety, but each week we quietly encouraged and pushed one another "further up and deeper in" on our journeys.
Almost a year has gone by. A most wonderful man asked my friend to marry him last week. She and her fiance are on an amazing journey and a miracle relationship of joy and love. I am also engaged. Significantly more engaged with life, myself and God. Encouraged by her joy and creative engagement with her husband-to-be, I am also enjoying fresh new engagement with my own special and most loved husband.
Friendship and support along the way come every so often as special gifts to be cherished and unwrapped. Our paths will soon take some different turns, but the companionship and mutual engagement with one another over this special year will always stay with us in our hearts, a surprising and life giving bloom of joy and delight.
Almost a year has gone by. A most wonderful man asked my friend to marry him last week. She and her fiance are on an amazing journey and a miracle relationship of joy and love. I am also engaged. Significantly more engaged with life, myself and God. Encouraged by her joy and creative engagement with her husband-to-be, I am also enjoying fresh new engagement with my own special and most loved husband.
Friendship and support along the way come every so often as special gifts to be cherished and unwrapped. Our paths will soon take some different turns, but the companionship and mutual engagement with one another over this special year will always stay with us in our hearts, a surprising and life giving bloom of joy and delight.
Tulip Bulbs
Another unique birthday gift was a creative selection of tulip bulbs. I spent some wonderful time in the sun yesterday preparing the soil and planting them. I dug the holes deep with just a bit of bone meal sprinkled in the soil for that extra nutritious boost. I surrounded them with broken up soft dirt and made sure there was lots of warm soil on top. With the planting way underground it always feels like I am tucking the bulbs into bed with a big warm comforter. Just as well, as we have already had a light layer of crunchy frost and I am a bit late in planting them.
Bulbs are among my most favourite delights. There really is no feeling quite like tucking them away to secretly develop and surprise us with such joy and beauty in the spring after a long and cold winter. Their round firm shape is like a secret powerhouse of beauty. I held each bulb before planting it, feeling the smooth and full roundness. Each one had no sign of life, but there tucked away in the soft and warm nourishing soil that will change. Life will emerge after this time of hidden rest.
I wondered today what qualities I am tucking away in my children and family that will secretly grow and develop into such beauty emerging just when it is most needed? I want to also encourage powerful hidden bulb qualities within myself! May they quietly develop inside me, preparing for life full bloom. The great thing is that like the bulbs I planted, I know there are hidden powerhouses of beauty developing in all of us that will one day emerge unexpected as a most joyful surprise!
Bulbs are among my most favourite delights. There really is no feeling quite like tucking them away to secretly develop and surprise us with such joy and beauty in the spring after a long and cold winter. Their round firm shape is like a secret powerhouse of beauty. I held each bulb before planting it, feeling the smooth and full roundness. Each one had no sign of life, but there tucked away in the soft and warm nourishing soil that will change. Life will emerge after this time of hidden rest.
I wondered today what qualities I am tucking away in my children and family that will secretly grow and develop into such beauty emerging just when it is most needed? I want to also encourage powerful hidden bulb qualities within myself! May they quietly develop inside me, preparing for life full bloom. The great thing is that like the bulbs I planted, I know there are hidden powerhouses of beauty developing in all of us that will one day emerge unexpected as a most joyful surprise!
Monday, 26 November 2012
Salad Servers
A good friend of mine has just returned from a time in Africa where she worked at an orphanage. We had a wonderful evening together and I soaked up her stories and experiences there. Most interestingly to me was that the deeper stories of the personal growth in each of our lives has been very similar even though our journeys have been in very different places doing very different things. During our meal together, my friend allowed me to chose a gift. She had a two beautifully carved sets of salad servers. One for me and one for her. She wanted me to chose. It was not an easy choice as they are both beautiful in very different ways. I chose a beautifully carved light wooden set with giraffe heads carved in the handles. They are proportioned so that they have a large flat spoon surface and relatively shorter handles. I love the feel and the proportions. I can feel the shallow grooves where they have been carved and smoothed. The narrow ridges from the carving tool are still present and only add to their beauty. This gift brings Africa and deep beauty and joy into my life.
I long to be a server in this life journey. Sometimes I look at the different servers around me and wonder at my own shape and size. The generous gift of these salad servers is a reminder to me that we are all different, yet useful and beautiful in our own ways. Sometimes we may feel that our contribution is more like from a teaspoon than a salad server, but each are important in their own way. I cherish the simplicity and form of my particular salad servers, so carefully and thoughtfully carved and shared. May we all grow in valuing and cherishing the shape and form of our own lives, so generously created and given by God. May we be used to serve out much kind goodness and loving delight to those around us.
I long to be a server in this life journey. Sometimes I look at the different servers around me and wonder at my own shape and size. The generous gift of these salad servers is a reminder to me that we are all different, yet useful and beautiful in our own ways. Sometimes we may feel that our contribution is more like from a teaspoon than a salad server, but each are important in their own way. I cherish the simplicity and form of my particular salad servers, so carefully and thoughtfully carved and shared. May we all grow in valuing and cherishing the shape and form of our own lives, so generously created and given by God. May we be used to serve out much kind goodness and loving delight to those around us.
Saturday, 24 November 2012
The Full Table
The time of Thanksgiving and Christmas cheer is upon us. Lights are beginning to flicker and carols are sung on the radio. Last week was my first Christmas dinner of the season. We had a festive lunch at my work, complete with turkey and carols and even square dancing. I arrived a bit late for the lunch, only to find most of the tables full. I wandered around, looking for a spare seat, but most were taken or saved for others. My heart sank and I felt a bit of desperation and tightness in my throat. Old feelings of insecurity from way back in my high school years flooded back! Finally some friends welcomed me and pulled up a spare seat. I was relieved. Deep down I was shocked by the power of those old feelings of being left out. I thought immediately of my own youngest children who waited so long to find families of their own. They never felt like they belonged. They did not have their own special place at the round family table. Our youngest three had experiences of settling in other families but were soon rejected and told that they were not quite right.
I have spoken on panels at adoption gatherings twice in the last few weeks. I am passionate about helping children find their place in families. Right here in our community there are many children living in uncertainty and without special families of their own. As you sit down to tables full with food this holiday season, remember to make sure that they are not exclusively full. Pull up an extra chair for someone you may not know. Remember all those around us who do not feel like they are included or belong. Pray for all the kids in our community who are praying each night for their own family. If you can, consider adopting a child yourself! Regardless, be sure that those full tables always have room for one more.
I have spoken on panels at adoption gatherings twice in the last few weeks. I am passionate about helping children find their place in families. Right here in our community there are many children living in uncertainty and without special families of their own. As you sit down to tables full with food this holiday season, remember to make sure that they are not exclusively full. Pull up an extra chair for someone you may not know. Remember all those around us who do not feel like they are included or belong. Pray for all the kids in our community who are praying each night for their own family. If you can, consider adopting a child yourself! Regardless, be sure that those full tables always have room for one more.
The Monk's Cell
One of my oldest daughters is presently studying theology. She has just completed a history paper about the desert fathers or monks of old. In every time there have been people who pull away from the world to draw close to God and to empty themselves of all distractions to be more fully His vessels. We read about those hermits who draw away to caves in the desert or those even today who live apart in communities of prayer and quiet. The purpose is to then be able to go out into the world to more effectively care for others and to support others in hidden but powerful prayer. I often read of one woman of old who was an anchorite, living in one room all her life. People flocked to her window to receive her love and counsel and even today her words are read and give sustenance and faith to others.
We can learn from these people who have drawn apart from the world for a time to be vessels of light and open emptiness for God. I think we were given the Sabbath day as a gift to rest and declutter and refill. At universities professors are encouraged to take one year off out of every seven to step back and refill after all the years of giving out. We all know the healing that can come in times of re creation and rest.
Those who have walked through the clutter of my home know that I am not someone who finds it easy to declutter by myself. One of my sons has a gift of helping me to empty and restore my home with me so that there is room for us all to move and enjoy the space together.
I have set time apart this year to have someone help me declutter my heart. In some ways it has felt that for an hour a week I go to a lovely little cell to help open up my heart and life so that I have room to breathe and move. Like the monks of old, it has involved my body, mind and spirit together. It has not always been easy and has involved pain and struggle. Throughout my days I have made room for the monk's cell in my life. I have consciously retreated there often in the midst of my outwardly full life. It has not always been full of stillness and light and love, but as gradually I have had help to declutter, I am feeling more light and spacious and more deeply in love with God. We are wired to be people in relationship with one another and with God. In that relationship I have needed someone to help me untangle some of the knots in my cluttered heart. I am thankful for the monk's cell of my heart and soul and body in the midst of life these days.
I encourage us all to take time to be in the stillness of our souls. Get help with the decluttering if you need it. Today a friend of mine is moving to a lovely and more spacious home of light and wide open view. May we consciously be grounded in these body homes of ours and open up the light and wide open view within our hearts. The anchorite, Julian of Norwich, sings her refrain. All will be well. And all manner of things will be well. Rest in the loving womb of our Mother God. God is good and draws us in the cover and refuge of his feathers, sheltering us under His wings in rest. (Psalm 91:4 and Matthew 23:37)
We can learn from these people who have drawn apart from the world for a time to be vessels of light and open emptiness for God. I think we were given the Sabbath day as a gift to rest and declutter and refill. At universities professors are encouraged to take one year off out of every seven to step back and refill after all the years of giving out. We all know the healing that can come in times of re creation and rest.
Those who have walked through the clutter of my home know that I am not someone who finds it easy to declutter by myself. One of my sons has a gift of helping me to empty and restore my home with me so that there is room for us all to move and enjoy the space together.
I have set time apart this year to have someone help me declutter my heart. In some ways it has felt that for an hour a week I go to a lovely little cell to help open up my heart and life so that I have room to breathe and move. Like the monks of old, it has involved my body, mind and spirit together. It has not always been easy and has involved pain and struggle. Throughout my days I have made room for the monk's cell in my life. I have consciously retreated there often in the midst of my outwardly full life. It has not always been full of stillness and light and love, but as gradually I have had help to declutter, I am feeling more light and spacious and more deeply in love with God. We are wired to be people in relationship with one another and with God. In that relationship I have needed someone to help me untangle some of the knots in my cluttered heart. I am thankful for the monk's cell of my heart and soul and body in the midst of life these days.
I encourage us all to take time to be in the stillness of our souls. Get help with the decluttering if you need it. Today a friend of mine is moving to a lovely and more spacious home of light and wide open view. May we consciously be grounded in these body homes of ours and open up the light and wide open view within our hearts. The anchorite, Julian of Norwich, sings her refrain. All will be well. And all manner of things will be well. Rest in the loving womb of our Mother God. God is good and draws us in the cover and refuge of his feathers, sheltering us under His wings in rest. (Psalm 91:4 and Matthew 23:37)
Thursday, 22 November 2012
My Matrix
Matrix is a term with loaded meaning for me. Its original meaning is from the Latin word mater or mother and implies womb. I love the close linking of the ideas of mother and womb. I want to be a person of warmth and loving protection for others in this often scarey and cold world. A matrix also can imply an organizational connection or web. Certainly my life often appears to me as a rather involved and complicated web of connections and relationships creating a rather delightful whole! The classic movie Matrix was also loaded with meaning and interest for me! One of my favourites!
The Matrix I am thinking about today in relation to all these meanings is my car! I love my Toyota Matrix! As many of our older kids have moved away, I now drive my little sporty and peppy Matrix. It feels like a sports car to me after years of driving a big van. It can still carry four kids and a dog cage. The seats move down and with the hatchback it can be filled with bikes and even a large and rather bulky Mulholland stander for my kids at work.
My Matrix is a place of protection and interconnection and even adventure for me and my kids these days. We are often together in the car and it is a place of fun and often very good conversation. Often important words are spoken in the car where I have a captive audience and direct eye contact does not threaten.
I have lots of time to think in my Matrix as I drive along the highway heading up the Fraser River on my way from my community to where I work. I often ponder an analogy that has been so helpful to me over this last year. A counsellor spoke to us at a staff education day. With little toy cars in her hands, she encouraged us to remember to be sure to "drive our own cars!" So often as I care for kids and families facing many challenges, it is easy to feel responsible for helping to lighten their load. Many of us experience anxiety and burnout. Even more with my own children, I often lean over to attempt to drive their lives! I can get so involved directing and driving the lives or cars of others that I forget about my own car. Sometimes I end up being the one to crash! Often it is easier to try to drive the lives of others than my own. Though I feel comfortable and excited about my little Matrix car, my own skin is not always as easy to settle down and rest in. I need to remind myself that I have been given the great gift of my own self to drive in through this life. It is the one life I have been given . My first responsibility must be to settle down in my own skin and be responsible to drive this one life that is mine. I can give help to others and receive help too, but I do need to stay at the wheel of my own life and let those around me have the responsibility for their own lives. As a parent I need to increasingly help my kids take responsibility for their own lives without me always leaning out the window of my life to grab hold of their steering wheels and direct them! Even when my kids need more guidance and direction, I need to keep coming back to my own car. I want to be a safe womb and place of love and care for myself as well as for the matrix of those others around me!
The Matrix I am thinking about today in relation to all these meanings is my car! I love my Toyota Matrix! As many of our older kids have moved away, I now drive my little sporty and peppy Matrix. It feels like a sports car to me after years of driving a big van. It can still carry four kids and a dog cage. The seats move down and with the hatchback it can be filled with bikes and even a large and rather bulky Mulholland stander for my kids at work.
My Matrix is a place of protection and interconnection and even adventure for me and my kids these days. We are often together in the car and it is a place of fun and often very good conversation. Often important words are spoken in the car where I have a captive audience and direct eye contact does not threaten.
I have lots of time to think in my Matrix as I drive along the highway heading up the Fraser River on my way from my community to where I work. I often ponder an analogy that has been so helpful to me over this last year. A counsellor spoke to us at a staff education day. With little toy cars in her hands, she encouraged us to remember to be sure to "drive our own cars!" So often as I care for kids and families facing many challenges, it is easy to feel responsible for helping to lighten their load. Many of us experience anxiety and burnout. Even more with my own children, I often lean over to attempt to drive their lives! I can get so involved directing and driving the lives or cars of others that I forget about my own car. Sometimes I end up being the one to crash! Often it is easier to try to drive the lives of others than my own. Though I feel comfortable and excited about my little Matrix car, my own skin is not always as easy to settle down and rest in. I need to remind myself that I have been given the great gift of my own self to drive in through this life. It is the one life I have been given . My first responsibility must be to settle down in my own skin and be responsible to drive this one life that is mine. I can give help to others and receive help too, but I do need to stay at the wheel of my own life and let those around me have the responsibility for their own lives. As a parent I need to increasingly help my kids take responsibility for their own lives without me always leaning out the window of my life to grab hold of their steering wheels and direct them! Even when my kids need more guidance and direction, I need to keep coming back to my own car. I want to be a safe womb and place of love and care for myself as well as for the matrix of those others around me!
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Strength at the Core
One of the central principles of my work as a physiotherapist is to help strengthen my little children from their cores. Trunk strength is central to being able to move. We all need strength in both our abdominals and back muscles. We need to be able to rotate our trunks and smoothly shift between flexion, extension and rotation in our cores.
As I have been reflecting on our own unique life stories, I have been reminded of the central importance of our core being as people. Today in a staff meeting I looked around the table at each of my colleagues. Though I have worked with many of them for a long time, I actually know very little about the details of each of their life journeys. Even so, I feel like I deeply know and care for each person. We are a diverse group representing different nationalities, faiths and experiences. Some of us are married, others have children, some have travelled widely, and others have not. What I appreciate about each person are not the specific things that they have done with their lives, but rather who they are at their core. The qualities of love, gentleness, thoughtfulness, joy, patience, kindness, and goodness are what really shines through each of these fine people, regardless of the actual things they have done or not done. I may not know all the details of their lives, but I do so value the qualities at their cores. These colleagues of mine move with grace through their cores of kindness and love. I am reminded to focus on what is really lasting. Regardless of what our actual stories hold, may we ourselves be strong at our cores in the qualities that really last and resonate in care and compassion and love with those around us.
As I have been reflecting on our own unique life stories, I have been reminded of the central importance of our core being as people. Today in a staff meeting I looked around the table at each of my colleagues. Though I have worked with many of them for a long time, I actually know very little about the details of each of their life journeys. Even so, I feel like I deeply know and care for each person. We are a diverse group representing different nationalities, faiths and experiences. Some of us are married, others have children, some have travelled widely, and others have not. What I appreciate about each person are not the specific things that they have done with their lives, but rather who they are at their core. The qualities of love, gentleness, thoughtfulness, joy, patience, kindness, and goodness are what really shines through each of these fine people, regardless of the actual things they have done or not done. I may not know all the details of their lives, but I do so value the qualities at their cores. These colleagues of mine move with grace through their cores of kindness and love. I am reminded to focus on what is really lasting. Regardless of what our actual stories hold, may we ourselves be strong at our cores in the qualities that really last and resonate in care and compassion and love with those around us.
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Our Own Stories
It has been a weekend of stories told for me. A friend came over on Friday evening, and answering a question asked by one of our girls, she told us all the story of her life. We all sat for at least an hour, entranced by the fullness of life with her unique joys and struggles and fascinating adventures of life. Yesterday our youngest four girls went to an Adoption Education Seminar where they had been invited to tell people considering adoption about their unique stories. Some of the girls have done this before, but this time they all wanted a part in sharing their parts of their special life stories. I am always sensitive to whether the children want to be a part of such a gathering. Sometimes they do choose not to come and other times to come just to listen. Yesterday I was impressed at how empowering the ability to communicate their own stories was for them. I was also struck afresh at how interesting and significant is each life and each special story. Somehow all the challenges and struggles that I have as a parent melted away for that special time as we together joined in the listening and perspectives of my four young women. We all have an important and signficant part to play in the whole human story. No matter how small and insignificant we feel, our stories are full and rich and of infinite help in the telling to others.
Many years ago when I was a mountain guide in the wild coastal mountains here in British Columbia, each meal would be a special time for one of our number to tell their life story. I am encouraged today to listen and facilitate the telling of our stories more often. They can be told in many different ways with different emphases and ways of telling. Our lives are full of the words of our own stories. Our stories are fascinating works of art! They are full of important wisdom for us to open and hold with joy and interest. May we all more readily turn to one another to really hear and appreciate our unique and special life journeys. No matter what our story holds, each one of us is infinitely important and special and vital to the larger whole of us human beings. It is important to acknowledge in the telling how truly amazing is each of our own selves, reflected in our lives lived and hearts felt and shared.
Many years ago when I was a mountain guide in the wild coastal mountains here in British Columbia, each meal would be a special time for one of our number to tell their life story. I am encouraged today to listen and facilitate the telling of our stories more often. They can be told in many different ways with different emphases and ways of telling. Our lives are full of the words of our own stories. Our stories are fascinating works of art! They are full of important wisdom for us to open and hold with joy and interest. May we all more readily turn to one another to really hear and appreciate our unique and special life journeys. No matter what our story holds, each one of us is infinitely important and special and vital to the larger whole of us human beings. It is important to acknowledge in the telling how truly amazing is each of our own selves, reflected in our lives lived and hearts felt and shared.
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Conflicts Erupting
Conflict is not just in the remembering. It is alive and well today. I am deeply sad as I hear about the escalating conflicts in the Middle East again today. My heart and prayers are with those around the world who are suffering and in the midst of the pain of fighting and upheaval. There is plenty of that here in my world too. It is not just limited to the obvious suicides, divorce and fighting. Conflict erupts in my heart too. Frustration and anger often lurk around the corners of my soul, jumping out unannounced over both big and small triggers. Sometimes days and even weeks go by with no obvious flare ups in our home until even some small issue brings forth challenging anger.
The Psalms in the Bible record the full range of our emotions, both those desired and those unwanted. It is healthy for me to pray them with the multitudes who have gone before, acknowledging my own feelings and expressing them to God unedited. Some people have complained about the more gruesome expressions of pain in the psalms, but for me I am glad that they are alongside the gentle stillness and love of others. We are created with a full palette of expression and cannot turn our heads from the conflict beside the love. Tonight I read Psalm 77 and pray for all those in the full grip of conflict who feel that God has "slammed the door on compassion." May "His road lead through the sea and the mighty waters to a pathway no one knew was there!" May that pathway lead to peace and love in some small way for our suffering friends tonight.
The Psalms in the Bible record the full range of our emotions, both those desired and those unwanted. It is healthy for me to pray them with the multitudes who have gone before, acknowledging my own feelings and expressing them to God unedited. Some people have complained about the more gruesome expressions of pain in the psalms, but for me I am glad that they are alongside the gentle stillness and love of others. We are created with a full palette of expression and cannot turn our heads from the conflict beside the love. Tonight I read Psalm 77 and pray for all those in the full grip of conflict who feel that God has "slammed the door on compassion." May "His road lead through the sea and the mighty waters to a pathway no one knew was there!" May that pathway lead to peace and love in some small way for our suffering friends tonight.
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Attention Seeking
Attention seeking behaviours can be dramatic and excessive and incredibly creative. Somehow in spite of their wide ranging scope and intrigue, they always seem to have a bad reputation. In fact, most often they illicit the exact opposite of what they are seeking! With great joy, I am now welcoming the love of attention that we all so desire. I am learning to both give and receive attention with more reckless abandon and enjoyment. As I am allowing myself more loving attention from both myself and others, I am hoping to grow in paying more attention to those around me. It is not always easy to decipher the cries for attention in the crazy behaviours of both myself and others. Sometimes it means standing still for a time. Long enough to really listen with both my ears and heart. Of course it is often much more complicated than it seems. Many of our kids have learned to effectively turn off their need for attention. The attention they got was either too painful or never enough. Sometimes the behaviours are so intermingled with a million different needs and it is hard to know where to start. It is hard to know how to give the right kind of attention.
One of my daughters was at a youth group event tonight where they washed one another's feet. It was fun and it sure felt good. The kids were learning to attend to one another in a new way!
I remember our skittish cat who really did want attention in spite of his independent and rugged exterior. Sometimes I need to slow down, pay attention, extend my love and my arms and wait. Learn how to pay attention in the different and unique ways that those around us need. Be patient and still of heart. Learn to accept attention myself and be generous in the attending to those around me. Instead of fighting the attention seeking behaviours, try meeting them at their core. I can watch a movie with our kids, take them for a treat, go for a walk, or surprise them with the gift of time together even if it is just going out for an hour doing errands with them alone. My husband makes the most mundane chores into times of adventure with individual kids. I can hardly wait for the times that it is my turn to be with him alone for his amazing adventure day expeditions! I am encouraged to extend and expand my attention in ways that are as varied, specific and creatively unique as those behaviours asking for it.
One of my daughters was at a youth group event tonight where they washed one another's feet. It was fun and it sure felt good. The kids were learning to attend to one another in a new way!
I remember our skittish cat who really did want attention in spite of his independent and rugged exterior. Sometimes I need to slow down, pay attention, extend my love and my arms and wait. Learn how to pay attention in the different and unique ways that those around us need. Be patient and still of heart. Learn to accept attention myself and be generous in the attending to those around me. Instead of fighting the attention seeking behaviours, try meeting them at their core. I can watch a movie with our kids, take them for a treat, go for a walk, or surprise them with the gift of time together even if it is just going out for an hour doing errands with them alone. My husband makes the most mundane chores into times of adventure with individual kids. I can hardly wait for the times that it is my turn to be with him alone for his amazing adventure day expeditions! I am encouraged to extend and expand my attention in ways that are as varied, specific and creatively unique as those behaviours asking for it.
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
The Burning Bush
I love the colours of fall. When we first moved here, I carefully planted and rearranged our garden so that there would be joy and colour and expression for each season. Some trees and shrubs are particularly full of interest and bring delights for several seasons. One of my favourites is a Paperbark maple tree that I planted right up close to my kitchen window. The peeling bark is interesting and attractive all through the year, but adds special flavour in the winter when so much has retreated in the cold and wet. It is also full of radiant colour now. It's leaves bring orange and reds next to a constantly changing Persian parrotia tree with long slender branches reaching out with abandon in all directions. Over the last few weeks the parrotia has transformed from a mass of green to purplish red, to deep orange and now to bright yellow. As I finish up the dishes and the never ending round of cooking and kitchen clean up I am reminded of Moses and the burning bush. In the midst of our daily lives, there are sacred reminders that God is present right in the heart of it all. I want to live in wonder and expectation for His presence in the ordinary.
Monday, 12 November 2012
Words
Words are powerful. As the years go on and technology develops, it seems that words are increasing both in number and power. Through our words on the internet, words draw us deeply into relationship. More and more relationships start through words alone. I have made a good friend solely through reading a blog and responding. Our actual person to person meeting was a delight. Through words alone I felt that I knew her well enough to make a significant journey to visit with her in person. My judgement made only through words did not disappoint me.
This same friend has recently written that she has been given a Bible for an early Christmas present and is now beginning to read it. The Word of God. Christ identifies Himself as The Word in the beginning of the book of John. Word in relationship with the Living God and the Spirit and then in turn with us, the receiving readers. I deeply believe that the Word of God in the Bible is unique and that by some divine mystery it is the living breath and words of God, written in specific times of history by very human people. As Christ is God in human form, the Bible is with us for all time, relational and deeply ingrained with God's character. It is a way that God nourishes us humans. It is His letter of love and care to us. Somehow it also roots and grounds me and gives me a deep centering sense of my own place and story in the context of the whole human family story.
At the same time, I am well aware that the Bible is not easy to unpack and digest. Some people are drawn to read the Bible from cover to cover and emerge different people. As wonderful as that is, I think they are the exception.
I think of the children that I work with. Often feeding is not straightforward for them. It is hard to get the nourishment offered. Many of them have significant reflux. Acid refluxes up their esophagus, causing ulcering and irritation and severe pain after every feeding. Feeding must be done slowly and sensitively in small, frequent amounts and because of the pain it is not always a pleasant and bonding experience. Sometimes we as adults have been scarred by exclusive attitudes and hypocrisy of Christians over the years. Reading the Bible, though wonderful nourishment, can cause searing pain because of our wounds. Further, there are parts of the Bible that grate with our souls. They do not fit with our heart understanding of who we know God to be.
We need to go slow. Try to get the basics of the nourishment at first. Understand the undergirding principles before tackling the more difficult passages. Realize that life is full of extreme paradoxes, and that these are expressed in the Bible. Much of the Bible must be understood in the historical context in which it was written. Even among sincere Christians who believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, there are differing views about many of the non central issues. Don't get bogged down in the controversial stuff that gives you reflux pain. Keep the big picture in mind and keep on going.
Often it is helpful to get help to know how to start reading the Bible. It is a relational book that lends itself to relational reading with others. Start with immersing yourself in the life of Jesus outlined in one of the first four books of the New Testament, either Luke, Matthew, Mark or John. Just read one. Maybe at this time of year with the birth of Jesus nearly here, try Luke, written by the gentle and understanding physician, who so clearly saw Jesus' care for the women, outcasts and sick. I like having a kid's picture Bible beside me so that I can really appreciate Jesus' interaction with those individuals around him. Keep the historical Jesus at the heart of all your reading. He says He is God in human form and He gives us the best understanding of who God is. He really was a real person in history and somehow I cannot turn my back on this fact and the reality of both His life and His words. Write down all your questions as you go. God encourages sincere questions, especially when we ask with love and care for others. God reminds me of us as earthly parents, seeking to help and guide our children. Sometimes they misunderstand our intentions and run away, rejecting our love. God does not give up seeking us and showing us His love. He is all about caring for us and restoring our relationship with him. Over and over the Bible outlines people veering away from God and His love bringing them back to both Himself and themselves and who they were fully created to be.
The rest of the books of the New Testament are primarily letters written to specific groups of people. Start with books of joy and love such as Philippians.
Then, at the same time, you can start the Old Testament in little chunks. The first books give an overarching sweep of the early history without any sugar coating! Essentially they give the stories of God creating and initiating relationship, people turning away, God wooing them back into relationship and restoring them, over and over again. Read some Psalms to feel the full expression of emotion that God welcomed from His people as they walk through life with God.
Many of us do read four different sections concurrently. It gives a balanced view that keeps the love of Christ central. There are many reading program outlines that can help with getting a balanced diet. Go slow. Chew and ruminate as you go. The Bible sometimes requires a different kind of more meditative reading than we are used to.
My friend, I may be presumptuous to say this, but to me I see our dynamic and relational God filling you so much already. Your gentle love and care for so many is an amazing expression of His Spirit shining through you. I love your expanding heart that reaches out in so many directions, even to try to more deeply understand God when it is scarey and unknown and from the outside may seem limiting. It says in one of my favourite Psalms, 139, that we are wonderfully made! God knows your loving and beautiful heart so well. It is at this time of the year that I think of the young Mary, soon to give birth to a baby who would bring love, relationship and belonging to the world. The angel told her, "Do not be afraid! The Lord is with you." Hold fast to the truth you already know in the book of Corinthians 13 where it talks about how love is central. God's love will lead and guide you in your reading and honest seeking. Be totally yourself. Pray for understanding. Ask others. Put the really hard stuff on the shelf to look at later when you have the general gist and are ready for really hard and tough food! There are some things we will never really "get" about God because He is not just some One we have created ourselves. He is Other and on some levels beyond our understanding. Ultimately I have to believe that He can be trusted on the basis of the main emphasis of His words and the reflection of Him in the deep hearts of all the people He has made. We see Him in all creation and everyone around us. I have been inspired by your love for your sister-in-law who gave you the Bible and who always seems so full of ever expanding love herself! You are not alone on this exciting journey of life and discovery. Let's all be open together, seeking wisdom and expanding understanding and most of all, deeper love and belonging together.
Words are powerful. May they continue to bring us more deeply into growing relationships and knowing of one another, ourselves, and even God. I love you. Thanks for including us all in your ever expanding heart journey.
This same friend has recently written that she has been given a Bible for an early Christmas present and is now beginning to read it. The Word of God. Christ identifies Himself as The Word in the beginning of the book of John. Word in relationship with the Living God and the Spirit and then in turn with us, the receiving readers. I deeply believe that the Word of God in the Bible is unique and that by some divine mystery it is the living breath and words of God, written in specific times of history by very human people. As Christ is God in human form, the Bible is with us for all time, relational and deeply ingrained with God's character. It is a way that God nourishes us humans. It is His letter of love and care to us. Somehow it also roots and grounds me and gives me a deep centering sense of my own place and story in the context of the whole human family story.
At the same time, I am well aware that the Bible is not easy to unpack and digest. Some people are drawn to read the Bible from cover to cover and emerge different people. As wonderful as that is, I think they are the exception.
I think of the children that I work with. Often feeding is not straightforward for them. It is hard to get the nourishment offered. Many of them have significant reflux. Acid refluxes up their esophagus, causing ulcering and irritation and severe pain after every feeding. Feeding must be done slowly and sensitively in small, frequent amounts and because of the pain it is not always a pleasant and bonding experience. Sometimes we as adults have been scarred by exclusive attitudes and hypocrisy of Christians over the years. Reading the Bible, though wonderful nourishment, can cause searing pain because of our wounds. Further, there are parts of the Bible that grate with our souls. They do not fit with our heart understanding of who we know God to be.
We need to go slow. Try to get the basics of the nourishment at first. Understand the undergirding principles before tackling the more difficult passages. Realize that life is full of extreme paradoxes, and that these are expressed in the Bible. Much of the Bible must be understood in the historical context in which it was written. Even among sincere Christians who believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, there are differing views about many of the non central issues. Don't get bogged down in the controversial stuff that gives you reflux pain. Keep the big picture in mind and keep on going.
Often it is helpful to get help to know how to start reading the Bible. It is a relational book that lends itself to relational reading with others. Start with immersing yourself in the life of Jesus outlined in one of the first four books of the New Testament, either Luke, Matthew, Mark or John. Just read one. Maybe at this time of year with the birth of Jesus nearly here, try Luke, written by the gentle and understanding physician, who so clearly saw Jesus' care for the women, outcasts and sick. I like having a kid's picture Bible beside me so that I can really appreciate Jesus' interaction with those individuals around him. Keep the historical Jesus at the heart of all your reading. He says He is God in human form and He gives us the best understanding of who God is. He really was a real person in history and somehow I cannot turn my back on this fact and the reality of both His life and His words. Write down all your questions as you go. God encourages sincere questions, especially when we ask with love and care for others. God reminds me of us as earthly parents, seeking to help and guide our children. Sometimes they misunderstand our intentions and run away, rejecting our love. God does not give up seeking us and showing us His love. He is all about caring for us and restoring our relationship with him. Over and over the Bible outlines people veering away from God and His love bringing them back to both Himself and themselves and who they were fully created to be.
The rest of the books of the New Testament are primarily letters written to specific groups of people. Start with books of joy and love such as Philippians.
Then, at the same time, you can start the Old Testament in little chunks. The first books give an overarching sweep of the early history without any sugar coating! Essentially they give the stories of God creating and initiating relationship, people turning away, God wooing them back into relationship and restoring them, over and over again. Read some Psalms to feel the full expression of emotion that God welcomed from His people as they walk through life with God.
Many of us do read four different sections concurrently. It gives a balanced view that keeps the love of Christ central. There are many reading program outlines that can help with getting a balanced diet. Go slow. Chew and ruminate as you go. The Bible sometimes requires a different kind of more meditative reading than we are used to.
My friend, I may be presumptuous to say this, but to me I see our dynamic and relational God filling you so much already. Your gentle love and care for so many is an amazing expression of His Spirit shining through you. I love your expanding heart that reaches out in so many directions, even to try to more deeply understand God when it is scarey and unknown and from the outside may seem limiting. It says in one of my favourite Psalms, 139, that we are wonderfully made! God knows your loving and beautiful heart so well. It is at this time of the year that I think of the young Mary, soon to give birth to a baby who would bring love, relationship and belonging to the world. The angel told her, "Do not be afraid! The Lord is with you." Hold fast to the truth you already know in the book of Corinthians 13 where it talks about how love is central. God's love will lead and guide you in your reading and honest seeking. Be totally yourself. Pray for understanding. Ask others. Put the really hard stuff on the shelf to look at later when you have the general gist and are ready for really hard and tough food! There are some things we will never really "get" about God because He is not just some One we have created ourselves. He is Other and on some levels beyond our understanding. Ultimately I have to believe that He can be trusted on the basis of the main emphasis of His words and the reflection of Him in the deep hearts of all the people He has made. We see Him in all creation and everyone around us. I have been inspired by your love for your sister-in-law who gave you the Bible and who always seems so full of ever expanding love herself! You are not alone on this exciting journey of life and discovery. Let's all be open together, seeking wisdom and expanding understanding and most of all, deeper love and belonging together.
Words are powerful. May they continue to bring us more deeply into growing relationships and knowing of one another, ourselves, and even God. I love you. Thanks for including us all in your ever expanding heart journey.
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Remembering
Today is a day of remembering. Remembering those who gave their lives to help to bring freedom and peace to us. Remembering their sacrifice. Sacrifice not only in death, but in the living too. Those who lived with deep fear and anxiety for decades. Those who could not freely pursue their dreams for life. Families divided. Years of hunger and pain. Sacrifice of many of those who followed. Anxiety and emotional pain passed down through generations. I am thankful for those who have carried so much to help bring freedom.
I remember that the sacrifice in most of the world continues. Freedom and love are still elusive. I am thankful for those labouring to help bring freedom and peace all over the world on this day.
My own children remember in their own lives. Remember pain and hurt. Denial of love, freedom and health. Oppression and bondage. Anxiety and heavy loads of unmanageable emotion. Post traumatic stress suffered together with those we are specifically remembering today.
Memory is elusive and complicated. It is stored not only in several places in our brains, but also in our emotional responses and our bodies. More often than not, memory is not clear. Often in protection, our minds and bodies turn off the actual memories, but the pain, cold and dark linger, to pounce when we least expect them.
There is hope. The pain and negative emotion linked with memory can be healed. The process of healing is complicated and often needs those particularly skilled in the healing. Some adoptive parents I know have been frustrated in the time and pain of memories emerging. Sometimes the actual memories never come back. Conscious remembering is not needed for full healing. It is not a process that can be hurried in any of us. Seek out the healers among us to help guide. Turn to rituals and expressions of spirit, emotion and body that heal.
Remembrance Day is a ritual of that healing. Remember your own part in the sacrifice that is present in all of our lives. Our actual memories may not be clear or even historically accurate. That does not matter. Light a candle. Sit in that quiet minute. Give thanks for sacrifices made to bring love, peace and healing. Reflect and remember with honour, respect and love.
I remember that the sacrifice in most of the world continues. Freedom and love are still elusive. I am thankful for those labouring to help bring freedom and peace all over the world on this day.
My own children remember in their own lives. Remember pain and hurt. Denial of love, freedom and health. Oppression and bondage. Anxiety and heavy loads of unmanageable emotion. Post traumatic stress suffered together with those we are specifically remembering today.
Memory is elusive and complicated. It is stored not only in several places in our brains, but also in our emotional responses and our bodies. More often than not, memory is not clear. Often in protection, our minds and bodies turn off the actual memories, but the pain, cold and dark linger, to pounce when we least expect them.
There is hope. The pain and negative emotion linked with memory can be healed. The process of healing is complicated and often needs those particularly skilled in the healing. Some adoptive parents I know have been frustrated in the time and pain of memories emerging. Sometimes the actual memories never come back. Conscious remembering is not needed for full healing. It is not a process that can be hurried in any of us. Seek out the healers among us to help guide. Turn to rituals and expressions of spirit, emotion and body that heal.
Remembrance Day is a ritual of that healing. Remember your own part in the sacrifice that is present in all of our lives. Our actual memories may not be clear or even historically accurate. That does not matter. Light a candle. Sit in that quiet minute. Give thanks for sacrifices made to bring love, peace and healing. Reflect and remember with honour, respect and love.
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Breathing Room
Some years ago I went to a great physiotherapy course entitled, "If you can't breathe, you can't function." It was a great course, and since then I always look first at the breathing of the little kids that I treat. Often their respiration is irregular and shallow. I place my hands on their lower ribs and diaphragm to facilitate steady and deep breathing patterns. Often their compromised respiration severely limits their ability to move. The decreased oxygen intake leaves very little energy for living life fully. I need to focus on ways to facilitate adequate respiration before expecting movement in other areas.
We all need room to breathe deeply and fully in life. I read today in Psalm 61 (The Message paraphrase) that God gives us breathing room and a place to get away from it all. So often in our fast paced life of to do lists and pressure, we leave ourselves very little room to breathe. Even in the church, we make constant and unreasonable demands of performance on ourselves and others. There is very little breathing room. In turn, us parents often fill not only our own schedules, but those of our kids way too full. All good things, but altogether too much.
Take time today to give yourself room to breathe. I love to take our dog, Daisy, for a walk each day. Often days go by without giving myself and Daisy this gift of breathing room. I know then that I need to consciously make some room in my life to breathe. I have just joined a book club and although I am not sure I can make it to my first meeting, I sure am delighting in taking the time to read novels just for fun. Each of us are different in our needs for breathing room and the things that give us that unrestricted enjoyment and refilling. Teaching our kids life skills involves modelling healthy self care and ways to allow ourselves space to breathe. I am wanting to improve in the whole area of helping them find ways to refill and to deepen their capacity to breathe.
Remember, if you can't breathe, you can't function. Help yourself and your kids take those deep restoring breaths today!
We all need room to breathe deeply and fully in life. I read today in Psalm 61 (The Message paraphrase) that God gives us breathing room and a place to get away from it all. So often in our fast paced life of to do lists and pressure, we leave ourselves very little room to breathe. Even in the church, we make constant and unreasonable demands of performance on ourselves and others. There is very little breathing room. In turn, us parents often fill not only our own schedules, but those of our kids way too full. All good things, but altogether too much.
Take time today to give yourself room to breathe. I love to take our dog, Daisy, for a walk each day. Often days go by without giving myself and Daisy this gift of breathing room. I know then that I need to consciously make some room in my life to breathe. I have just joined a book club and although I am not sure I can make it to my first meeting, I sure am delighting in taking the time to read novels just for fun. Each of us are different in our needs for breathing room and the things that give us that unrestricted enjoyment and refilling. Teaching our kids life skills involves modelling healthy self care and ways to allow ourselves space to breathe. I am wanting to improve in the whole area of helping them find ways to refill and to deepen their capacity to breathe.
Remember, if you can't breathe, you can't function. Help yourself and your kids take those deep restoring breaths today!
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Casting Our Own Vote
Canadians get most passionate when it comes to election time for our neighbors. We are much more enthused and opinionated about this election than our own. I may have a limited circle of friends, but it seems to me that we are also most united when casting our vote for our neighbors! From our northern perspective up here, the election should certainly be a landslide for one of the leaders. We are all clear about it! Tonight we are all huddled around our televisions in tense companionship with you friends to the south.
We are much less certain and much more subdued for our own elections. Here at home it feels more complicated and much less exciting.
As a parent, I also find it more exciting to try to direct the lives of my children than my own. Somehow the decisions they have to make seem very clear to me. I am often quite certain about the directions they must go!
I want to learn to listen more carefully and to understand the complexities of the hearts of others. We all do deeply impact one another, but making important decisions is always more difficult and multifaceted when they belong to us.
When it comes to my children, I do want to stand with you in excited and passionate companionship for the decisions that you must make. Ultimately, though, I must stand back and trust you to seek your own hearts for the decisions that are best for you. I may not agree, but the only vote that I can really cast in this life is my own.
We are much less certain and much more subdued for our own elections. Here at home it feels more complicated and much less exciting.
As a parent, I also find it more exciting to try to direct the lives of my children than my own. Somehow the decisions they have to make seem very clear to me. I am often quite certain about the directions they must go!
I want to learn to listen more carefully and to understand the complexities of the hearts of others. We all do deeply impact one another, but making important decisions is always more difficult and multifaceted when they belong to us.
When it comes to my children, I do want to stand with you in excited and passionate companionship for the decisions that you must make. Ultimately, though, I must stand back and trust you to seek your own hearts for the decisions that are best for you. I may not agree, but the only vote that I can really cast in this life is my own.
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Good Enough
Days are full around here. There always seems to be a list of things that I have not quite accomplished or done the way I would like. I have struggled over the years with never quite doing or being enough. When I think about it, I am not really sure who the enough is for. Just a nagging feeling of unsettled not enough. Lately I must say I am more relaxed in the not enough department. Throughout the day I try to ground myself and take quiet breaks of peacefulness with myself. I remind myself that even when things do not get done in my timing, often as I wait quietly, little miracles of opportunity do unfold. It has been fun to fully enjoy those opportunities and marvel in them as they arise. Bit by bit, I am letting go of my own control and perfection and delighting in what is.
Sometimes I think maybe I have also subconsciously felt that I am not enough for God. Today our sermon was about how we do not have to add legalism and our own expectations to God. God gives us relationship with Himself as a free gift. Jesus is enough. I cannot add to that enough.
I know that often my children do not feel that they are good enough for me, for God or for themselves. Low self esteem is often hidden and disguised in many behaviours but very alive in many of us nonetheless. Our children sometimes feel that they can never quite be or do enough. They will never quite catch up. There is such a fine balance between having expectations, helping our kids develop life skills, and still expressing our unconditional love and delight in them as being more than enough as our children, wonderfully created in their being.
So another new week waits ahead. I will go to sleep and get up and start again, with confidence and joy that it is all enough. More than good enough. As I relax in my own good enough, I am hopeful that every one of my children will know deeply that they are wonderful and special and much more than great enough.
Sometimes I think maybe I have also subconsciously felt that I am not enough for God. Today our sermon was about how we do not have to add legalism and our own expectations to God. God gives us relationship with Himself as a free gift. Jesus is enough. I cannot add to that enough.
I know that often my children do not feel that they are good enough for me, for God or for themselves. Low self esteem is often hidden and disguised in many behaviours but very alive in many of us nonetheless. Our children sometimes feel that they can never quite be or do enough. They will never quite catch up. There is such a fine balance between having expectations, helping our kids develop life skills, and still expressing our unconditional love and delight in them as being more than enough as our children, wonderfully created in their being.
So another new week waits ahead. I will go to sleep and get up and start again, with confidence and joy that it is all enough. More than good enough. As I relax in my own good enough, I am hopeful that every one of my children will know deeply that they are wonderful and special and much more than great enough.
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