I want to embrace transition and change and share my heart with those I love.
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Several years ago now I wrote as a Mother in Wonder, but today, as I anticipate afresh the coming of the surprise arrival of Light in Being to our world, my heart wants to share the wonder of my days without labels. I rejoice that we are all so different, moving forward in our own unique callings for each day. We are mothers and fathers and friends and loners and brothers and sisters and strugglers and those who really do not feel we fit under any tag. Regardless, we all can share together and touch one another as fellow beings, each important and special.
I want to continue to risk and gently and extravagantly share myself as a fellow person being in each step of the day.
There are so many similar blogs and I do easily laugh and wonder at my own cliches and words, but it is in the sharing that we all come together in agreement and disagreement to live uniquely our own calling.
I write this because I am uniquely special to a few, just like us all. Especially these days I write for my Mum and Dad who love me and encourage me and always ask about the Wonder blog and the Words from my heart.
Here you are Mum and Dad. Another new beginning as we share together in the rain and darkness of these days, enjoying the twinkling lights and in hope for the light and dark moments together ahead.
Thanks for you encouragement that even my words are important. May I risk and share in the fullness of wonder in anticipation of the advent of something New.
Tuesday, 28 November 2017
Thursday, 10 September 2015
The Fullness of Wonder
When I started this blog and life in the world of mothering and adoption, I somehow clung to the idea of wonder over the beautiful sunsets or the moments of fulfillment and satisfaction after the storm. I forgot that there is wonder in the midst of the storm and even in the heart of brokenness. Forest fires are devastating. Mental illness is perplexing and elusive. In many areas of our lives there are no easy fixes. Often at the core of our beings and our values there is brokenness and pain that just does not go away.
As a mother I believe that it is important to hold on to our kids. Never give up. Keep our kids close and hang in there through thick and thin. Watch. Wait. Wonder! I did not think that my perceptions of parenting might have to expand to include a child leaving the family at a young age and living in a different home. I did not know the devastation and perplexing nature of mental illness where often we think that if only we try harder or with more love or more creativity that somehow everything would turn out in the end. I thought that if only we have positive goals and get the right help, that somehow these fine dreams will become reality in some way or another.
Wonder embraces both the sunsets and the storms of devastation. Wonder includes the tragedy of the dead boy on the beach and the beauty of new birth. Lately for me wonder has had to include a significant loss in our family, where our daughter is now living with others for now. It has had to include broken and changed dreams for us all. I am glad for Job, who lost all his family and life as he knew it. There were no easy answers. There was a changed reality and hope in the end that was surprising and very different than expected or hoped for.
I am still in wonder. For now, though, my wonder embraces tragedy, complications and changed dreams along with the hope of the bright stars in the sky and the fresh wind of fall on my face. I want to grow in living in the fullness of all that life brings, letting go of the perception that somehow I can control it all and growing in acceptance, joy and possibility through even those things that I would never willingly chose.
Together let's stand in wonder. Wonder in the fullness of pain and unfulfilled dreams. Wonder in all that it means to be human. Wonder and appreciation for all that life brings. We do not yet see or understand the complete picture, but we can still rest in the incompleteness and brokenness and life giving possibilities of pain and prayers answered in ways we will never understand.
As a mother I believe that it is important to hold on to our kids. Never give up. Keep our kids close and hang in there through thick and thin. Watch. Wait. Wonder! I did not think that my perceptions of parenting might have to expand to include a child leaving the family at a young age and living in a different home. I did not know the devastation and perplexing nature of mental illness where often we think that if only we try harder or with more love or more creativity that somehow everything would turn out in the end. I thought that if only we have positive goals and get the right help, that somehow these fine dreams will become reality in some way or another.
Wonder embraces both the sunsets and the storms of devastation. Wonder includes the tragedy of the dead boy on the beach and the beauty of new birth. Lately for me wonder has had to include a significant loss in our family, where our daughter is now living with others for now. It has had to include broken and changed dreams for us all. I am glad for Job, who lost all his family and life as he knew it. There were no easy answers. There was a changed reality and hope in the end that was surprising and very different than expected or hoped for.
I am still in wonder. For now, though, my wonder embraces tragedy, complications and changed dreams along with the hope of the bright stars in the sky and the fresh wind of fall on my face. I want to grow in living in the fullness of all that life brings, letting go of the perception that somehow I can control it all and growing in acceptance, joy and possibility through even those things that I would never willingly chose.
Together let's stand in wonder. Wonder in the fullness of pain and unfulfilled dreams. Wonder in all that it means to be human. Wonder and appreciation for all that life brings. We do not yet see or understand the complete picture, but we can still rest in the incompleteness and brokenness and life giving possibilities of pain and prayers answered in ways we will never understand.
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
Eyes to See
A beautiful white rabbit has been making his home in our garden over the past two weeks. His entrance into our lives has come at a time when the general anxiety level for a couple of our kids is very high as school finally gets underway. One daughter spends long hours sitting quietly outside with him and he now comes up to her for food and attention. Time outside with bunny is an activity that helps decrease anxiety and settle our daughter like nothing else.
For me this white rabbit is a miracle gift from God. I am so thankful for this rabbit, lovingly called Victor, appearing unexpectedly and surprisingly during this challenging time. Miracles do indeed come in unexpected packages just when we most need them. May I have eyes to see and appreciate these amazing gifts of God given in the ordinary circumstances of our days!
For me this white rabbit is a miracle gift from God. I am so thankful for this rabbit, lovingly called Victor, appearing unexpectedly and surprisingly during this challenging time. Miracles do indeed come in unexpected packages just when we most need them. May I have eyes to see and appreciate these amazing gifts of God given in the ordinary circumstances of our days!
Monday, 23 June 2014
Closed without closure
It has been a challenging few weeks for my crew as they have been in and out of school with chaos and little control. Now as they were preparing to be finished for the summer, the schools are closed and they are left hanging.
One daughter has had to return for provincial exams without all the teacher support that is so vital for her. Another missed all the graduation ceremonies as she completed elementary school and is heading off to high school. The kids in our area all go to different high schools and so my daughter will be leaving most of her friends as she goes forward again! There have been no goodbyes and healthy transitions.
Goodbyes are often underestimated in our fast moving world. For our children who have been wrenched with no control from one place to another many times in their short lives this time of schools closing without thoughtful process and closure has been very difficult; a trigger of the many previous changes that did not include healthy grieving, celebration and remembering.
Sometimes we feel that our presence in the lives of another may not be important. Always assume that it is. Develop healthy ways to transition and to move in and out of lives with integrity and honour. Especially with our children from the turmoil of adoption, be aware of the many dangling threads of their lives. Be intentional about ways to help integrate those threads in the present weaving of their lives.
Even though we have been through similar situations before, I am always surprised that these predictable stressors and triggers such as schools closed suddenly really do cause huge emotional upset in my children that are expressed in different ways. The weak foundation that is a result of the trauma of all the events surrounding adoption takes a long time to strengthen. In our family these days we are trying to be creative about ways we can help bring emotional closure in this most unpredictable end to the school year. One more day of provincials for Grade 10 daughter and then we will celebrate! I always remember how God told the Israelite people to place stones of remembrance in the Jordan River. As they looked back and could see the stones the people remembered God's care and goodness to them. We will go searching for stones to place in our garden to bring memories of all that this school year has been. Remembering both the good and the not so good! Honouring it all. Closing this chapter as we open the new.
One daughter has had to return for provincial exams without all the teacher support that is so vital for her. Another missed all the graduation ceremonies as she completed elementary school and is heading off to high school. The kids in our area all go to different high schools and so my daughter will be leaving most of her friends as she goes forward again! There have been no goodbyes and healthy transitions.
Goodbyes are often underestimated in our fast moving world. For our children who have been wrenched with no control from one place to another many times in their short lives this time of schools closing without thoughtful process and closure has been very difficult; a trigger of the many previous changes that did not include healthy grieving, celebration and remembering.
Sometimes we feel that our presence in the lives of another may not be important. Always assume that it is. Develop healthy ways to transition and to move in and out of lives with integrity and honour. Especially with our children from the turmoil of adoption, be aware of the many dangling threads of their lives. Be intentional about ways to help integrate those threads in the present weaving of their lives.
Even though we have been through similar situations before, I am always surprised that these predictable stressors and triggers such as schools closed suddenly really do cause huge emotional upset in my children that are expressed in different ways. The weak foundation that is a result of the trauma of all the events surrounding adoption takes a long time to strengthen. In our family these days we are trying to be creative about ways we can help bring emotional closure in this most unpredictable end to the school year. One more day of provincials for Grade 10 daughter and then we will celebrate! I always remember how God told the Israelite people to place stones of remembrance in the Jordan River. As they looked back and could see the stones the people remembered God's care and goodness to them. We will go searching for stones to place in our garden to bring memories of all that this school year has been. Remembering both the good and the not so good! Honouring it all. Closing this chapter as we open the new.
Sunday, 22 June 2014
That Inner Voice
I am aware that my last couple of posts may seem glib and insensitive. While trying to encourage people to consider adoption, I am also aware that many people have answered that call to adopt, but have had to wait for years. I have wonderful friends who went through years of process to adopt, but were not accepted to adopt. Friends have listened to that inner voice, stepped bravely forward, and are either in a painful holding pattern or have felt completely rejected and personally discouraged. Some very competent friends have also experienced tragic breakdowns of adoptions.
I am sorry if my overly simplistic words of encouragement have only added to your pain. Certainly part of the problem for the waiting children is often mishandling of the families wanting to adopt.
There is no doubt that adoption can be a harrowing journey that only echoes for the caring families the pain and challenge of the waiting children.
All I can say is to keep listening and being true to your inner voice. Those long waits and rejections only give more understanding of the pain of many of those children waiting. Three of my children went through painful adoption disruptions where their planned adoptions fell through. All of the children have layers of pain, abandonment and rejection.
I have just finished reading a thoughtful and inspirational book, "The Invention of Wings" by Sue Monk Kidd. I highly recommend it to all those seeking to listen to that inner voice and follow the promptings of their hearts. Those worthwhile steps forward in life are not easy. The ongoing pain and determination of the process, complete with heartbreak and discouragement, has been shared by so many others who have made a difference in this world.
Keep listening. Watch for the windows that open when the doors are shut. Be still in the pain and discouragement. I believe it is all part of life. God who is good and loving will somehow not let our pain and tears be wasted. Keep your hope and faith through all the challenges along the way. Again, I may sound simplistic, but it is my sincere belief and prayer that God will somehow be with you in the ways you need today.
I am sorry if my overly simplistic words of encouragement have only added to your pain. Certainly part of the problem for the waiting children is often mishandling of the families wanting to adopt.
There is no doubt that adoption can be a harrowing journey that only echoes for the caring families the pain and challenge of the waiting children.
All I can say is to keep listening and being true to your inner voice. Those long waits and rejections only give more understanding of the pain of many of those children waiting. Three of my children went through painful adoption disruptions where their planned adoptions fell through. All of the children have layers of pain, abandonment and rejection.
I have just finished reading a thoughtful and inspirational book, "The Invention of Wings" by Sue Monk Kidd. I highly recommend it to all those seeking to listen to that inner voice and follow the promptings of their hearts. Those worthwhile steps forward in life are not easy. The ongoing pain and determination of the process, complete with heartbreak and discouragement, has been shared by so many others who have made a difference in this world.
Keep listening. Watch for the windows that open when the doors are shut. Be still in the pain and discouragement. I believe it is all part of life. God who is good and loving will somehow not let our pain and tears be wasted. Keep your hope and faith through all the challenges along the way. Again, I may sound simplistic, but it is my sincere belief and prayer that God will somehow be with you in the ways you need today.
Saturday, 21 June 2014
Hooped
Adoption has brought richness in many ways to me and my life journey.
Today on this longest day of the year and the first of summer, I celebrated Aboriginal Day with two of my daughters. Though not genetically of aboriginal descent, I have been adopted into a most wonderful aboriginal family through our adoption of one of their daughters. This has brought new insights and depth to me.
Much of the flavour of the aboriginal day celebration that we attended was about reconciliation. Reconciliation and bringing together of people not just of one particular race, but of the broad range of human beings. Restoring and rebuilding relationships and bringing together of different points of view in full unity is an important part of the human journey.
As the drums beat today, giving steadiness and rhythm to my soul, I watched a gifted hoop dancer.
With the steady beat, our dancer created beauty and story from a variety of hoops. At one point she moved through thirteen hoops all at once. It was a seemingly impossible task, all done with a radiant smile, a sense of humour, and an even beat, creating incredible forms.
Being an adoptive parent is a bit like the dance of the hoop dancer. It may look impossible, but find someone to walk with you and help you learn the steps, one hoop at a time. With practice, wisdom, help and more practice, it can be done.
Listen to that drum beat in your heart today. What is it communicating to you? Listen carefully and take up those hoops there in your heart, one at a time.
Today on this longest day of the year and the first of summer, I celebrated Aboriginal Day with two of my daughters. Though not genetically of aboriginal descent, I have been adopted into a most wonderful aboriginal family through our adoption of one of their daughters. This has brought new insights and depth to me.
Much of the flavour of the aboriginal day celebration that we attended was about reconciliation. Reconciliation and bringing together of people not just of one particular race, but of the broad range of human beings. Restoring and rebuilding relationships and bringing together of different points of view in full unity is an important part of the human journey.
As the drums beat today, giving steadiness and rhythm to my soul, I watched a gifted hoop dancer.
With the steady beat, our dancer created beauty and story from a variety of hoops. At one point she moved through thirteen hoops all at once. It was a seemingly impossible task, all done with a radiant smile, a sense of humour, and an even beat, creating incredible forms.
Being an adoptive parent is a bit like the dance of the hoop dancer. It may look impossible, but find someone to walk with you and help you learn the steps, one hoop at a time. With practice, wisdom, help and more practice, it can be done.
Listen to that drum beat in your heart today. What is it communicating to you? Listen carefully and take up those hoops there in your heart, one at a time.
Friday, 20 June 2014
The Front Page
It took the front page of the newspaper this morning to remind me of why I started this blog.
Adoption. The numbers of children being adopted in this province is decreasing steadily over the last five years. There are less available families stepping forward. There are now 1000 children waiting.
The reasons for this decrease are many. We could speculate forever. Meanwhile children are growing and getting older and living with a sense that they do not belong. Their challenges are only increasing as the pain of being on the edge of our society continues.
I encourage you to step up to help these kids. Start the process. Call 1-877-236-7807 and investigate.
We all know the many reasons why we just cannot adopt. I have spent more than my fair share of time extolling the challenges. The bottom line is that these kids need ordinary people to love and care for them. You do not have to be special, extraordinary or specially gifted. You are enough.
Come and meet my four girls. They are each of them amazing and gifted human beings who deserve the basic human need of belonging. There are many who are not yet placed with their families. Maybe it is you.
For the rest of us, support those who are taking this step. Stand with them. Encourage them and be a part of their team even when they do not have the energy to reciprocate. You do not have to remind them about how hard it may be. Just be with them and support them through the process.
For all of us, grow as caring and responsive people. Educate yourself about the challenges our kids in care are facing. Expand the borders of your thinking and responding. Learn how to be better parents and people. Find others who can help you grow so that you can effectively care for both kids and the people who are trying to care for them. Let go of the issues that are taking time and energy and only lead to more division. Support and care and above all love. Explore how you can care for these 1000 kids who do not have the basic support of family. Call 1- 877- ADOPT -07!
Adoption. The numbers of children being adopted in this province is decreasing steadily over the last five years. There are less available families stepping forward. There are now 1000 children waiting.
The reasons for this decrease are many. We could speculate forever. Meanwhile children are growing and getting older and living with a sense that they do not belong. Their challenges are only increasing as the pain of being on the edge of our society continues.
I encourage you to step up to help these kids. Start the process. Call 1-877-236-7807 and investigate.
We all know the many reasons why we just cannot adopt. I have spent more than my fair share of time extolling the challenges. The bottom line is that these kids need ordinary people to love and care for them. You do not have to be special, extraordinary or specially gifted. You are enough.
Come and meet my four girls. They are each of them amazing and gifted human beings who deserve the basic human need of belonging. There are many who are not yet placed with their families. Maybe it is you.
For the rest of us, support those who are taking this step. Stand with them. Encourage them and be a part of their team even when they do not have the energy to reciprocate. You do not have to remind them about how hard it may be. Just be with them and support them through the process.
For all of us, grow as caring and responsive people. Educate yourself about the challenges our kids in care are facing. Expand the borders of your thinking and responding. Learn how to be better parents and people. Find others who can help you grow so that you can effectively care for both kids and the people who are trying to care for them. Let go of the issues that are taking time and energy and only lead to more division. Support and care and above all love. Explore how you can care for these 1000 kids who do not have the basic support of family. Call 1- 877- ADOPT -07!
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