The Fullness of Wonder

When I started this blog and life in the world of mothering and adoption, I somehow clung to the idea of wonder over the beautiful sunsets or the moments of fulfillment and satisfaction after the storm.  I forgot that there is wonder in the midst of the storm and even in the heart of brokenness.  Forest fires are devastating.  Mental illness is perplexing and elusive.  In many areas of our lives there are no easy fixes.  Often at the core of our beings and our values there is brokenness and pain that just does not go away.

As a mother I believe that it is important to hold on to our kids.  Never give up.  Keep our kids close and hang in there through thick and thin.  Watch.  Wait. Wonder!  I did not think that my perceptions of parenting might have to expand to include a child leaving the family at a young age and living in a different home.  I did not know the devastation and perplexing nature of mental illness where often we think that if only we try harder or with more love or more creativity that somehow everything would turn out in the end.  I thought that if only we have positive goals and get the right help,  that somehow these fine dreams will become reality in some way or another.

Wonder embraces both the sunsets and the storms of devastation.  Wonder includes the tragedy of the dead boy on the beach and the beauty of new birth.  Lately for me wonder has had to include a significant loss in our family, where our daughter is now living with others for now.  It has had to include broken and changed dreams for us all.  I am glad for Job, who lost all his family and life as he knew it.  There were no easy answers.  There was a changed reality and hope in the end that was surprising and very different than expected or hoped for.

I am still in wonder.  For now, though, my wonder embraces tragedy, complications and changed dreams along with the hope of the bright stars in the sky and the fresh wind of fall on my face.  I want to grow in living in the fullness of all that life brings, letting go of the perception that somehow I can control it all and growing in acceptance, joy and possibility through even those things that I would never willingly chose.

Together let's stand in wonder.  Wonder in the fullness of pain and unfulfilled dreams.  Wonder in all that it means to be human.  Wonder and appreciation for all that life brings.  We do not yet see or understand the complete picture, but we can still rest in the incompleteness and brokenness and life giving possibilities of pain and prayers answered in ways we will never understand.