Attached

One of my daughters has been attached to me nonstop for almost a week now.  I actually have loved the time with her.  She is kind and generous and a pleasure to be with.  We have a lot in common and there has not been a moment of that time that has not been wonderful.  Today I was booked to attend a professional course and as it was sponsored by my work and I knew the presenter, Kim Barthel,  and was not getting paid for my time there, special daughter came with me for the day.  She brought a tall stack of books and sat next to me and read all day.  I think the reading kept her focussed, because she absorbed a significant amount of the fascinating course and at the end of the day on her own initiative wanted to go and thank Kim and tell her how much she enjoyed the day.  She also went up to my boss to thank her for the privilege of being there and hugged a number of my colleagues.  I could not have been more proud of her.

Being constantly attached to me has been a significant time of regulation for my daughter.  She has needed to be next to me to help keep her grounded and safe from some of her own impulsive behaviour.  I actually have not experienced any of the impulsivity and dysregulation that is so challenging for her in school.

Tomorrow, special daughter will return to school.    Although she is settled with me beside her, the school environment has so many triggers and challenges for her.  She does not intentionally mean to blurt out comments that put her safety and well-being in jeopardy.  She does not mean to get carried away in ways that turn people away from her.  She does not mean to have significant lapses in judgment.  Nevertheless, those are her challenges in the school environment.  She is academically strong and so her social and emotional challenges in that environment are all the more surprising for us all.  Most of the time she functions so well in all areas.  Her judgment lapses are only one percent of the time, but that one percent can be all the more difficult for her and for us all.  Sometimes we all feel whacked over the back of our heads by her very occasional lapses.

As part of our course today, we watched a film clip about a soldier returning from Iraq.  A thunder storm back home in the safety of his own house caused the soldier to unconsciously return in his mind to the fear of his experiences in Iraq.  In total fear and terror, he shot at his own son, thankfully missing him by inches.  He was suffering the effects of significant trauma as a soldier in Iraq.  An MRI showed his amygdala reacting to  faces, both friendly and angry, with the same fear and terror.  My daughter has been similarly deeply wounded by trauma that has made changes in her brain that significantly influence her unconscious reactions and bring feelings of fear erupting by surprise even in places of safety.

The good news is that there is hope for healing for both that soldier and my daughter.  Post traumatic stress disorder that is addressed with skill and compassion can  be successfully treated.  Some people quickly dismiss my hope, but I am ever hopeful.  Hope is always such a balance.  We really cannot function without it, but at the same time we have to be realistic.  I am always careful to give the ongoing supports needed, but am eternally hopeful!  All my children are so full of love and amazing gifted life.  We will go forward tomorrow with hope and joy and deep love.